Baby Brando is a GIRLLLLLLLLLLL!!!!!!!!!!!!
This means: pretending to be Disney princesses, wild ponytails and a (hopeful) shared love of expressing herself through crazy color choices!
She’s gonna be such a little firecracker.
We just can’t believe it. <3
Baby’s size: This week the baby is the size of a banana. Weighing in at 10+ ounces and measuring 6.5 inches long. After this week the baby will be measured from head to toe rather than head to butt as their legs are finally stretched out enough to be measured! Eek!
Feeling: I am feeling unbelievably freaking stoked about the fact that we will find out the sex of the baby THIS WEDNESDAY. Less than 72 hours from now I’ll know if I’m having a little girl or boy. This thought flips me out. I’m starting to get really anxious about it. (Again, because I want the ultrasound to go smoothly.)
Sleep: Sleep has been interesting this past week. You’d think I’d just hit a rhythm and stop whining about it already but I swear the pregnant gods like to keep us carriers of children on our toes constantly. For funsies. You know.
Anyway, I get to sleep just fine now (praise the lawd!) BUT. Once I get up for my mid-sleep pee break I am up. Like, “Okay that was a rather fitful 4 hours of sleep, I think I shall bake some cookies now!” EFF. It’s very frustrating to just lay wide awake in bed. I want to punch walls or Ross. And that doesn’t even make sense because it’s neither of their faults. Sigh. This epic insomnia battle usually blazes on for a couple hours before my body finally takes over and my mind shuts off. So as of right now I’m probably pulling 6 or 7 hours of sleep… Better than nothing right?!
Maternity Clothes: For the longest time I was of the mind: “Imma see how long I can go in my regular jeans and show these CHUMPS what is UPPPP.” Then I realized I don’t even know who the “chumps” are in this scenario …besides myself. Which means I was trying to win against me. Which is stupid as hell. So I relented and put on a pair of maternity pants and haven’t looked back. Honestly? They’re just more comfortable. Yes, I can fit in my regular jeans just fine, but the buttons HURT. I have found that direct, firm pressure on my tummy is extremely uncomfortable now. Maternity pants are like a soft, warm embrace for your hips. Creepy visual, huh? WELL NO MATTER. I like it, dammit!
Food cravings: No cravings, just back to eating like a little piglet.
Food aversions: Same train of thought as above. I’m just a human vacuum these days.
Symptoms I have:
-Insomnia. Explained above.
-Forgetfulness. What was I saying again?
-Heartburn. Ever wanted to build a mini wood pile in your chest and set it on fire just because you were curious? Well don’t. I’ll save you the trouble and explain what it feels like.
It feels like a goddamn campfire set ablaze in your chest and your only means of containing it is showering it with Tums dust or milk. FIRE ALL THE TIME. I’d be fine with this if it meant being able to breathe flames onto people. But noooo.
Doctor’s Appointment: WEDNESDAY! WEDNESDAY! WEDNESDAY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I cannot stress my excitement enough!!!!!!!!!! Don’t worry, I won’t wait until next Monday to put up something on the blog/spacebook. I’ll definitely be sharing the jubilation with you all that afternoon. :)
Movement: It has picked up this week for sure. I can feel the baby getting stronger and it’s just…maddening to try and wrap my head around it. I mean seriously, do you understand that I am growing a tiny human who’s barely 9 inches long at the moment… and I FEEL it hit me? Deliberate reflexes. Developing and expanding its abilities? Smiling and tasting amniotic fluid? Sleeping patterns and hiccups? The biology of such a phenomenon. It boggles the mind. (And if it doesn’t, you should rethink some things.)
Belly Button: Still the same as last week. Still an innie.
Sex: Should I say it again? WEDNESDAY! WEDNESDAY! WEDNESDAY! I think of all the people I know two people think it’s a girl. (So if that’s the case then I will personally give you gold stars, Alexis and Mandi!)
What I’m looking forward to: Moving this week. I swear my living room has turned into an episode of Hoarders. It is quite literally a CASTLE of all the shit we own. I’m pretty sure I saw little people setting up a market and small houses in the middle of all of it. I hope they’re happy there… because I’m going to gouge my eyeballs out if I have to stare it for much longer.
What I miss: A CLEAN AND ORDERLY APARTMENTTTTTTTTTTTT.
So this past weekend was pretty damn swell. Saturday morning Ross and I got up bright and early and dined at our favorite breakfast establishment. Do you know WHYYYYY it’s so awesome? Because they make boursin bacon pancakes. And when you eat them your head explodes in happiness. Just ask Ross, he is my witness.
After breakfast we began our 2+ hour journey to Canton, Michigan for our wacky and wild trip to IKEA!!!!!
Thus, the proverbial “I’m so careless and free, riding in a car” photo. You know, doing it up right:
We didn’t hit a lot of traffic, which was great because it was hot as balls and we don’t have AC in our car. So it’s a lot of wind tunnel noise and yelling our responses to each other. It’s a blast. (Not really. I’m asking Santa for AC this year. We’ll see if the old man and I are still in cahoots.)
(the swooning bunny is my rendition of my face when I saw those chairs)
ANYWAY. We finally get there, and it’s awesome. And huge. And we had noooo idea what we were doing. For those of you that have never been to IKEA it’s pretty much like going on the fanciest scavenger hunt ever. Once inside you take a pamphlet that has a treasure map on it. On the back you can write down what furniture and items you like, and when you’ve picked everything you wanted/walked 17 miles through the whole store, you head downstairs and fill your cart/dolly with treasures! It’s pretty sweet.
I spent my time wandering aimlessly through all the displays and randomly exclaim stuff like: “OH MYLANTA I WANT THIS DRESSER!” Okay, aisle 17 bin 5, furiously scribble that on my paper then dash to the next room…and do it all over again. A deranged child in a candy store. That was me. By the end, Ross had to start physically pulling me away from $$$ items so I wouldn’t hit my unintentional goal of spending 1 million dollars in the store.
Once you get downstairs there are 2093843 aisles that you fly down to search for the lucky bin number that yields your very hefty prize. (No seriously, some of that shit is heavy.)
Then! When all is said in done your car ends up looking like this:
Ever wanted to know what life-size tetris looks like in a tiny car? Well now you know! Except this picture is missing a small table, 2 bar stools, a rug, and our bags for my parents house. It was F U L L !
Perhaps my favorite thing about IKEA was this banner that loomed far over our heads advertising a hot dog for 50 cents.
NOT GONNA LIE, GUYS. I was realllyyyyyyy disappointed to discover that the hotdog WASN’T 8 feet long. I mean seriously. Intense letdown. Thank goodness they put that disclaimer on the banner, otherwise I would have gotten in line and ordered one…ONLY to discover that it’s 7.5 feet too short! Whew, crisis averted.
We finally left my version of heaven. And ate at California Pizza Kitchen. 8 months of waiting and boy-o was it was glorious.
Anddddddddd to end probably one of the greatest Saturdays ever, we drove all the way back to my parents house to spend the evening torturing them. It was great as always. We ate good food, and indulged in cable (since Ross and I haven’t owned cable since ever. 6 years?)
It was pretty special though and I’ll tell you why. My parents were up in Traverse City a couple of weeks ago and my dad felt compelled to buy Baby Brando a present. So, he searched in a baby boutique and found this:
If you’ve ever met my father you would know that this is like, the sweetest and most bizarre gesture ever. Not because he doesn’t have the biggest heart in the world (he does.) But because this is a REGULAR (and popular!) toy. It’s not a miniature version of a power tool! Or something camouflaged! Haha. He’s really excited for the baby, and I think that’s pretty damn cool.
…And that’s where I run out of pictures, so this is where my story runs out. The rest of the weekend end capped with visiting my brother and his children, returning $90 worth of beer bottles (can we say whoaaaaaaa?!?!?!) playing hours and hours of Batman: Arkham Asylum, and eating more pizza. It was a great weekend all around.
Until next time!
Baby’s size: Baby is the size of a mango, coming in at 6 inches long and weighing…are you sitting down for this? HALF A POUND. That’s like, something you can actually quantify! It’s amazing.
Feeling: Since I’m still running off my IKEA experience (more on that later this week) I’d say my spirits are pretty damn high.
Sleep: It has officially happened. Sometime during the middle of the week I was absolutely, unequivocally unable to sleep on my belly anymore. Thus began my forceful descent into “Life on My Side” as I’ve affectionately dubbed it. I don’t SLEEP on my side. I stare at Ross in awe when he does this. How is it comfortable? Doesn’t it feel like everything is uneven? And more importantly… What the hell do you do with the arm you’re laying on?
Day 1: I wrestled with one measly little pillow between my legs and woke up about 8-10 times throughout the night with the pillow shoved on top of Ross and me sleeping on my back. Yeah. Nope.
Day 2-3: Decided to incorporate TWO pillows into my new sleep regime. 1 pillow for my legs, 1 for my back. Ended up waking up 5-6 times with the pillows near-ish me…but sleeping on my back. (Aaaughhh, cutting off the precious blood supply!)
Day 4-6: I realized I wasn’t getting anywhere with this… Well, hardly anyway. So I whipped out my Snoogle. Yes, you read that correctly. It’s a crazy full body pillow designed for us pregnant folk. I didn’t have much hope for it, because… If you look at the pictures it just looks ridiculous. After I wrestled myself into the curves I settled in for a night of minimal wake ups. And I DIDN’T end up on my back! So I’d chalk it up as a success so far. I still hate sleeping on my side. It’s just all wrong after doing it one way (read: the right way) for 24 years. But the Snoogle is keeping me compliant with proper pregnancy sleep tactics for now, which is a plus I think.
Maternity Clothes: I wore my very first piece of maternity clothes this week—a pair of shorts! I don’t own any shorts that fit me and luckily my friend Chilla shipped me some forever ago. My goodness, it was like slipping into butter… and not in a creepy and uncomfortable way. More like, “Oh my stars, where have these things been my whole life?” I’m still in my regular jeans. Though with this weather we’ve been having I’ve wanted nothing to do with denim at all.
Food cravings: Why have cravings when you get to end your week with CPK??!!??!?! Wheee!
Food aversions: Does my prenatal vitamin count? Because I hate that damn thing. Don’t worry, folks. I take it every day like a darling pregnant lady should (lest she wish to be smote down by the pregnancy gods.)
Symptoms I have: The CRAZIEST thing ever. I was visiting my parents this weekend, laughing and talking when all the sudden I feel this familiar warm trickle down my nose and I throw my hand up just in time to discoverrrr—I have a bloody nose! As in, tilt-your-head-back-and-swallow-that-metallicy-awful-blood while your nose figures its shit out. DUDES. I haven’t had a bloody nose in at least 10 years. It was a trip down memory lane for me.
As a kid I used to get chronic nose bleeds. I’d wake up in the middle of the night with dried blood all over my face and hair, and my pillow would be a deep red color. Feeling the horror-flick vibe yet? I constantly thought I was dying. Needless to say, it was a pleasant reliving of such memories.
Doctor’s Appointment: It’s getting closer and closer guys! Less than two weeks away Ross and I will be partaking in an anatomy scan AND meeting our new midwife for the first time. Aside from hopefully finding out the sex, I really wish that when the tech is looking at everything her dialogue goes something like this: “The brain looks fabulous! So does the heart! And kidneys! ALL of it. Let’s celebrate how wonderfully healthy your baby is!”
Movement: The baby was surprisingly chill this week. I maybe felt movement a handful of times. It picked up a little at the end of the week, which was a sweet reminder that my live-in roommate was alive and kickin’. Hopefully we’ll get to the point where Ross can feel it soon.
Belly Button: There is change on this front! It’s starting to get a little more shallow. Ah!
Sex: Place your bets now, folks. Less than two weeks!
What I’m looking forward to: Packing up the rest of the apartment and getting it MOVED.
What I miss: Sleeping on my belly, of course.
Baby’s size: Baby Brando is about 5.6 inches long and weighs 7oz! And…This week the Bump has compared it to a sweet potato, which sounds cute. But really no. Adorable fruits and veggies only, dammit!
Feeling: I’m not sure these days. Sometimes I’m really nostalgic for the past. Other times I can’t wait for this whole new family life. I think it’s just your typical back-n-forth. You know?
Sleep: Back to wicked dreams. This is like the 87th reprise of Psycho Dreams. But I’m still doing pretty good, sleep wise. A lot of mornings I wake up on my back which freaks me out because they tell you after your first trimester you should not lay on your back because the weight of your uterus presses on the major vein that returns blood from your legs to your heart AND EVERYTHING WILL GO HAYWIRE AND ALL OF THE THINGS IN THE WORLD WILL DIE VIOLENTLY…or some such insanity. Thus? Paranoia.
Maternity Clothes: I’m still not in them. Butttttttt! The popping out has commenced! Over the weekend while Ross and I were in Wisconsin it was INSANELY noticeable to both of us. I actually looked like a pregnant person (and not just fat.) It was (and is) so wild! However, my bump is high enough that I’m still comfortable in my jeans. I’m probably almost to the point where I can wear maternity tops and make them look good. Almost.
Food cravings: It’s not a craving I have, it’s a voraciousness of appetite. This recent phenomenon has kind of crept up on me, too. We’ll have eaten a proper meal and an hour or 2 later I am starved. As in: “Where’s the second entrée and possibly dessert and maybe some salad? Oh and an orange for a snack. Also, popcorn for later?!” Consequently…I have definitely put on some weight this past week. Hurray!
Food aversions: Ross was eating sauerkraut the other day. Just, no.
Symptoms I have: Crazy dreams. Crazy appetite. Crazy belly change.
Doctor’s Appointment: Nothing til the end of May as I’ve mentioned. But seriously, don’t you guys feel like May is just flying by? I think it helps that I’ve relinquished the useless time-consuming activity of wishing days away and instead embraced a new philosophy: Que sera sera. It’ll be here before you know it.
Movement: It’s definitely picked up this week. I feel Baby B probably…4 or 5 times a day now? S/he really digs when I listen to stuff with a nice bass. (Orrrr is super ruffled by it.) But I like to pretend that my baby loves my fantastic taste in music.
I can almost always get a rise out of the baby if I jam to Pinback, Interpol, the Killers, or even peppy songs such as this. It’s sweet as hell.
Belly Button: I’d still be able to participate in belly shots!
Sex: I’m unsure. But I spent a couple of hours yesterday reading aloud various girl names only for Ross to act incredulous and veto 99.8% of them.
The conversation went something like this:
“Okay, what about Enterprise?”
“As in Star Trek? NO!”
“Elixyvette?”
“…I have no idea what you are trying to say to me.”
“Esme?”
“Ehh, no.”
“Elske?”
“No.”
“Eleven!”
“You can’t be serious.”
“Okay, okay. Eccentricity*?”
“WHY ARE ALL THESE NAMES NOUNS?!??!”
What I’m looking forward to: Buying a dining room table at IKEA this weekend!!!!!!! Which reminds me, I forgot to mention that Ross and I are headed to Detroit this weekend to watch the Tigers play some bball. We’ll also be hitting up IKEA and the very delicious California Pizza Kitchen (because we ain’t got any on this side of the state on account of us sucking big time.) It’s going to be such a good time!
What I miss: Reading for pleasure. I haven’t picked up a fictitious book in ::gulp:: a couple months? I really need to change that. Soon.
*I enjoy goading people with ridiculous suggestions pretty much all the time.
